French Bread and Cheese...why don't we use real wine in communion?!

When the phone rang yesterday, and I saw a Maryland phone number, I really should have had more of a clue.  No one has called me with a 301 area code in a LONG time.  The voice at the other end of the line was one that I recognized immediately, and I was still dumb as a rock as to what was going on.

As she started to speak, the light bulb slowly grew brighter.  Of course this was bad news.  Why did I answer the phone?  As this blast from my past dropped the bomb on me, my mind flashed back (see wavy "dreamscape" lines here as we travel back in time.)

Many years ago, I went through a very, very dark time.  I had given birth to my third child, only 15 months after the birth of my second.  I guess my hormones were at critical mass, because I crashed into a very deep  post-partum depression.  It was ugly, to say the least, and I'm still not sure how my marriage survived that year.

It was during the year of me swimming through a mental and emotional mire of mud and muck that an angel came alongside me.  In fact, there were several angels, but one stood out above the rest.  The reason for her being so much....more, I suppose...was that she didn't try to make me "better."  She was going through her own battles, and she simply understood me.  She would call me up and share gruesome details from her own warped mind.  We laughed together at horribly morbid thoughts, and eventually, we cried together over the seemingly wasted year.

As often happens in our fast-paced, career-driven American culture, we moved away, then so did my friend.  We lost touch for many years, except for the occasional Christmas card.  We briefly reconnected on a social network site, but when she disappeared, I procrastinated about following up.

When the voice on the other end of the phone said, "She took her own life," my heart deflated.  She left nine children, six of whom are still at home.  I am angry....at her, at me, at her friends in her home town. How could she?  How could I?  How could they?

So, today:  Here I sit, trying to be busy enough not to think about the horror of it all.  I spread thick globs of St. Andre' cheese on hunks of crusty French bread and wish like crazy that our church used real wine for communion.  I could really use a glass right now.

Enough Already!

Today I am going over to pray with a friend who had to admit her daughter to a psychiatric hospital.  This sucks.

I hate that she has to go through this, and I hate that I know what it feels like.  I know God puts us through things so that we can show compassion to others in similar situations, and I am grateful that I can show her this compassion.  However, it really, truly is the pits that any of us have to feel this way at all.

I hate sin.  It breaks my heart that people suffer because of stupid decisions we make and that others make, and thus impact us.  I know Jesus' blood is enough to cover all these sins.  I also know that God's love is enough to carry us through any trial.  I even recognize that the Holy Spirit is strength enough to overcome any circumstance or spiritual warfare.  But I'm never going to be okay with the ugliness that we wallow around in every day.

I want the new heaven and the new earth.  Please, lets just take the Gospel to every tribe, tongue and nation, so Jesus can bring this completion!  Enough already.

Share and Share Alike

1 Samuel 30 ^{23 -25} "Families don't do this sort of thing! Oh no, my brothers!" said David as he broke up the argument. "You can't act this way with what God gave us! God kept us safe. He handed over the raiders who attacked us. Who would ever listen to this kind of talk? The share of the one who stays with the gear is the share of the one who fights—equal shares. Share and share alike!" From that day on, David made that the rule in Israel—and it still is.


I don't have a lot to day about this one, just I was really pretty surprised to see it in Samuel.  This is what a family is all about.  We are a family.  Tears are shared, joy is shared, burdens are carried, wealth is dispersed.  


Does that make me a communist or a liberal?  I don't think so.  I think it makes me a sister.

Sound Boards and Spiritual Warfare

I used to think spiritual warfare was extinct.  I knew it happened back when prophets and apostles roamed the earth, but that went the way of the DoDo about the same time men started wearing pants.  Then, I started working as a church administrator.  

If you don't think spiritual warfare is alive and well in the 21st Century, please come visit our building on ladies' Bible study day.  Lord have mercy....No really...please have mercy!

Every single week (not an exaggeration) something completely crazy happens with our AV equipment.  Every week, I'm back in that sound booth thinking, "You have GOT to be kidding me!"  I'm sure these sweet church ladies all think, "This is the crappiest set up ever."  But truly, I check it the night before their meeting to be certain it will work fine, and the next morning its a chaotic mess.  What The Heck?!

So, I'm going to go ahead and start my prayer vigil now for next week's Bible study.  "Oh Father...please strengthen and sustain our sound board.  Place your hedge of protection around our projector.  Cradle our computer in your caring caress."

AMEN!

Preparing for the Production

Deep down in my soul, I know that Worship of the Almighty Creator of the Universe isn't a production.  This is certainly not what he had in mind, I'm sure of it.  And yet, here I sit, putting together a flow sheet for us to follow on Sunday morning.  A team meets to discuss what we plan to do, we trouble-shoot problem areas, sometimes we argue...about WORSHIP!!!!

I don't know what part I've played in this catastrophe, but I'm sure I'm a part of it simply based on the fact that I'm a sinner and I'm involved.  Everything in me wants to just let the Holy Spirit do its thing on Sunday, and we show up and just respond to what God has been up to in each of our lives that week.  I know that's what its supposed to be...honest praise for who He is.

But that isn't what America has in mind.  We need to start out with a song that'll help us transition from "the world" to "worship time."  Really?  We need a song to do that.  Are we really so undisciplined that we can't do that before we get to the building where we worship together? I guess standing around sipping gourmet coffee and eating calorie-laden treats is just too difficult an activity for us to stay focused on Jesus throughout.

I know, I know.  I'm being cynical and sarcastic.  I have such high hopes for worship each week, and yet...here I sit...preparing for the production.  What would happen if we just showed up?  What would it look like if we didn't plan...if we didn't have slides...if the instruments weren't plugged into a sound system...if the chairs weren't straight...if the coffee was cold?  Would God show up, or would he shun us because we didn't have it all together?

In the Big Inning

Let me start by saying, I am writing this for me.  I don't care if anyone reads it, I don't care if you don't.  I am not writing this to inspire anyone, to shed any kind of light or impart any wisdom.  I am not concerned with how this is perceived.   My intention is to help myself see how a group of unrelated people can wind up together, love on each other, sometimes drive each other to the brink of sanity, and somehow glorify God in the midst of it all.  I also am attempting to see how God himself shows up, sets us straight, and carries us through it for His own good pleasure.

I am a Church Administrator (aka Church Secretary), and I have nowhere to go with the stuff that swirls around in my messed up little head all day.  I know I have God to talk to, and I do...out loud...for hours at a time because I am alone A LOT!  So far, I've not actually heard him talk back, so I think I'm still sane.  (BTW, in case you are some kind of crazy, psycho axe murderer...people randomly pop in and out all day, and you could easily be caught.)

As a Church Admin., I know a lot, I see a lot, I hear a lot.  Some of it is mind numbingly amazing...some of it makes me want to run screaming naked into the street (a temptation I have been able to avoid through my ongoing external dialogue with the Almighty).

I'm hoping to simply have an outlet to deal with all of this nuttiness.  Lets face it, church folk are downright bizarre sometimes (myself included), and if you had nowhere to go with it, you'd fall off your rocker, too!

Here we go.